Rising throught the ashes

I've had a BUSY day. couldn't sleep last night cause I can't take my sleep meds. I have a piss test Monday for my new job. I slept about 4 hours, then up for 2 cause the girl child was up then I passed out till 12:30. I packed up everything except 6 things into bags and piled them in the living room. this took a little over an hour. then I got dressed and moved the entire pile from one room to another until we eventually made it to the garage. I loaded everything that would fit into my car. was a lot faster than I thought. couldn't see out my back window. I made it back home and cleaned out my room. mom's been using it for garage sale stuff. dad helped me move a POS tv in here and I got it hooked up to the dish. then dad and I got a mattress set, went to target, went to walmart (which I boycott but it was his money), went to walgreens, dad got us dinner and we came home and ate. then I unloaded my car. dad and I got the mattress' in, I put the sheets on, got cleaned up and at around 10:00 I finally sat down. well, laid down is more like it. my mattress is as firm as they come and my back is SO sore and my knee and heel are aching.
all in all, I have a tiny tv, a small bed (bigger than that couch) and best of all, a 12 Pack of Dr Pepper just for me! tomorrow will be full of organizing, folding, and arranging clothes on my shelves. a lot easier than today. I broke down and smoked about 4 packs of smokes since she split with me, got one pack left but I'm enjoying my Vape again. Out with the negative, In with the positive. Out with the old, In with the new. Out of that shell I was shedding, into the new body awaiting. looking back, I wouldn't have done anything different. I put out there who I was. she wasn't a strong enough woman for me. I've forgiven her. I've let go and let God.
Don't worry folks, I'm doing great! I held my tears back all day until I hugged the boy. I quickly recovered so he wouldn't see it. but after I laid out a t shirt i'd been wearing for 2 days in the dog bed and I was ready to go, I knelt down to Bellabear, held her head in my hands, looked her in the eyes and told her that I loved her, that I'd see her in heaven, and to take care of the kids. I about broke down there. But I made it. Time for a change. Change is good.
Keep Looking Up, Cause That's Where It All Is!