So the last entry was pretty bad. I was REALLY pissed and in a downward spiral. While I did mean some of the things I said, I shouldn’t have put it out there that way. I am still greatly upset with life but I’m dealing with it much better.
My LE license is still active but I fear that I’m now permanently labeled a headcase. That’s something I can’t fix. During the last ass ripping of an oral board the chief asked me to participate in ‘ride alongs’ if I wasn’t hired. But I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s even worth it. I still feel like that part if me is dead. The Mrs., who has forgiven me (I hope), says it’s a positive thing that I still have my license. I don’t look at it that way. I’m just not sure which way to go.
So at 33 I’m having to start all over and find a new “career”. How can I carry that pride of helping the public the way I did? It was my passion. And I truly feel it was my last hope. I’ve applied to another police gig but…..I don’t see it going anywhere.
I had one interview last week. A head hunter job. I don’t feel it’s for me nor a new career. So that’s where I am right now. Lost as ever. Grasping at straws. Just breathing and blinking and putting out as many resumes as I can so hopefully I’ll get a job I’ll at least ENJOY enough not to be miserable. I’m still not out of the woods of this spiral but I’m trying to fake it. Wish I was better at it. Then I could use that as a career and become an actor. Oh well.